Workplace: Four Types Of Internal Relationship Patterns

Many of my articles say that the so-called character or personality is actually the relationship between "inner parents" and "inner children".

This is a general statement. In more detail, our childhood interactions with important relatives will be internalized into our hearts. Our whole life is the projection of these internal relationships to the external relationships. Of course, adulthood's external relationships will partly change the inner relationship, but this is very difficult.

In these important Relatives My parents usually rank first, so my article generalizes this intricate internal relationship as the relationship between "inner parents" and "inner children". In fact, there are "inner grandparents", "inner grandparents" and "inner brothers and sisters" and so on. relationship 。 I only write about the relationship between "inner parents" and "inner child" just for the convenience of writing articles.

This internal Relational mode There are basically four kinds:

　 1. "I can do it, you can do it".

That is to say, "inner child" and "inner parents". If parents love their children and at the same time give their children freedom and recognition of their independent space and ability, the child will develop such an internal relationship pattern.

　 2. "I can, you can't."

That is to say, "inner parents", "inner children" can not. If parents have at least one child, but at the same time they are very strict with their children, and even often use violence to treat their children, then the child will easily form this internal relationship pattern.

　　 3. "I can't. You can do it."

It's still "inner child", "inner parents". If parents have at least one child to love, but at the same time like their children docile and obedient, then the child will easily form this internal relationship pattern.

The difference between "I can't, you can't" and "I can't, you can do" is that the former takes the "inner parents" as its own, while the "inner child" is projected to the other when establishing external interpersonal relations; the latter is based on the "inner child", while the "internal parents" are projected to each other while establishing external interpersonal relationships.

　　 4. "I can't. neither can you."

That is, the "inner child" is not good, and the "inner parents" can not. If parents do not love their children and often torture their children, the child will easily form this internal relationship pattern.

Those who possess fourth types of internal relations are the most likely to create homicide cases, such as serial killers and paranoia. Watching Sina News, you can see a case of murder every day, that is, a man killed a girlfriend or wife who must break up with himself. The manufacturers of such cases are mostly paranoid, and their loved ones leave them, which is the greatest denial to them and makes them feel "I can't". They could not bear this kind of blow, so they killed their loved ones, implying that "I have taken your life, you can not do it".

Serial killers and paranoia are the most dangerous, but they are not the most harmful to the society, because people can easily guard against them.

People who are most harmful to society are often second kinds of people. Because they seem very confident, even in some people's eyes, they are "very good", so they are very confusing.

The most extreme "I can't you" people, they will have to say everything themselves, and can not accept others to show their strong side. They either use the overbearing way or ingenious way to make the inferiority of the surrounding people feel inferior, so that the internal relationship pattern of his "you can not do" can be fully displayed in his external interpersonal relationship.