From The Beginning Of Love, The Ten Level Of Love, How Many Layers Of Love Do You Have?

1, like

The other side has some qualities that I like, such as looks.

Conversation, knowledge, so I like him.

Maybe it's because he has done something that I like, for example, he is very warm and helpful, and can make the atmosphere very active and care for me.

I feel happy with people I like, and I feel happy with him, so I like him.

Love is the foundation of love.

No love, no love.

But love does not mean love.

Love and love still have a long way to go.

There are also some people who can't distinguish love and love. They mistake love as love; like a person, having good feelings for him, they think they have fallen in love with him.

2, attachment (miss, dependence, entanglement)

If you like a person, you will be happy to be with him. When you are away, you will have "separation anxiety" and feel uncomfortable and eager to continue to be with him. This is "attachment".

Like to a certain extent, it will produce attachment.

There are two kinds of attachment. One is missing. When he is not together, he thinks of him, and recalls the joy of being with him. One is the impulse to continue to be with him, and he always wants to go to him.

The two are different, and the latter is more intense.

Seeing his impulse reaching a certain level, he would go straight to him, as if he could not live without him, and he was very entangled. This is called "dependence".

3, possession (jealousy, demand, love)

If attachment reaches a certain level, it will lead to possessive desire.

This is because if he has more time with others, he will spend less time with me.

In order to satisfy my attachment and dependence, I will not allow him to spend his time on others.

If someone takes up my time, I will.

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If he were absent with me when he was with me, I would be jealous.

In order to completely occupy the other side, some people will take some extreme measures to control each other and firmly grasp each other.

Tracking, investigating, punishing, quarrelling, demanding and restricting personal freedom are all the more active and tough measures. It is a passive and "soft" measure to ingratiate themselves, induce others, impose hardships and coercion.

Another expression of this level is to pform the other side.

Although the other side generally makes me like it, there are always some aspects which I am not satisfied with. So I ask him to change, or help him change, or even personally pform him, and turn him into my ideal.

Such pformation is actually control and possession.

Possession, control and pformation belong to "demand".

To seek is to seek to be loved.

4, trade (catering, compliance)

"Soft control" has the color of trading, but it is different from real pactions.

Trading means that in order to let the other person like me to achieve the purpose of monopolizing the other side, I am willing to do something to make him happy, so that he can voluntarily and not be forced to be with me.

For example, make yourself more lovely, cater to him, please him; obey him, care for him, help him, please him, and let him like to be with me more.

Transactions emphasize fairness, and how much reward should be paid.

If you pay a lot and get no return, you may turn to control.

5, repay (gratitude, emotional investment)

There are two kinds of pactions that are not so naked. They are grateful.

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Gratitude is a reward.

I have benefited from others and I repay him now.

The other person may not ask for repayment, but my reward will surely bring happiness to him and make him more willing to stay with me.

Besides, for myself, if I do not repay, I will feel uneasy and feel that I owe him.

The reward can settle my wish and let my mind balance.

Compared with trading, gratitude is not utilitarian.

Emotional investment, seemingly seemingly unrequited, is actually "putting the long line to catch a big fish".

Many parents treat their children like this, "selflessly" love their children, wholeheartedly, and hope that he will live well.

Wait till he grows up, and then slowly settle accounts with him.

Maybe they did not expect to return when they paid, which is enough "selfless".

The reason why parents love their children is that they are their children, a continuation of their lives, a part of their body, and love their children is love themselves, of course, there is no need to repay.

In addition, parents' love for their children can be said to be a lovely reward for their children.

Control is forcing the other side to love me. The paction is to let the other side voluntarily love me; in the paction, my effort may not be willing, and the repayment must be willing.

6, concern

From 1 to 5, the focus is on oneself. From 6, the focus shifts to the other side. This is the sign of love.

1 to 5 is love, 6 to 10 is love.

Love is because he brings me joy, attachment is to keep him guarding me every day. Possession is not allowed him to be good with others. Trading is what I have to do so that he can be better for me. These four grades are loved by him for the purpose of being good to me and happy.

To be loved is to take and accept it. It belongs to "lack of sexual need", because the psychological deficit is the result of lack of love.

The real love is "the need for richness", which is characterized by giving, and being happy in the process of giving.

Generally speaking, only when the lack of sexual needs is properly met, will there be a need for richness.

Those who lack love do not know how to love others. They will only ask for it, not give it, but only themselves.

Then, what is real love? First, love a person must take him as the center, deeply concern him, put him in the heart, pay close attention to his every move, just like a mother treats a baby, "I only have eyes for you."

On the contrary, it is not love if he ignores the existence of the other person and indifferent and ignorant of him.

7, empathy (understanding, speculation, concern)

We should not only pay attention to each other's actions, but also understand his inner feelings. Is he unhappy? Why not happy? What is his trouble? What kind of help does he need? This is "Empathy".

Ignore people, do not observe his manners, how can he know his inner feelings? Some people have good observation ability, but can not read the other's inner feelings, because he did not enter the other's inner world.

Humanism defines empathy as "putting oneself in the place of understanding". Psychoanalysis defines it as "alternative introspection", meaning to enter the inner world of the other person, to experience his experience, to feel his feelings, or to replace him to experience and feel, so as to find out his inner heart activities.

In a sense, empathy is to figure out, but its purpose is to understand him, so as to help him better, not to please him and make him love me more.

In other words, empathy is good for him, and good for himself.

8, support (help, enthusiasm)

With empathy, we can know what the other person needs and how we should help him.

Only in this way can we provide him with the best service. Our help is targeted, and it is good for him to make him happy.

Many people help others not from the needs of the other side, but to impose their favorite things on the other side because of the lack of empathy.

Without the help of empathy, it is pointless and difficult to deal with. It is painful and painful.

This kind of person is very enthusiastic about people and likes to help, but people do not appreciate it and avoid him.

However, compared with indifference, passion is closer to love.

No matter what the effect is, love is good.

Everyone is willing to do something for their loved ones. If this is done to make the other person love himself more, that is the paction; if it is done to make the other person happy, not to ask for any return, it is true love.

In other words, love is free service, voluntary labor, because of the satisfaction of pay, no extra reward.

Help can be material or spiritual.

Spiritual help is emotional support.

9, dedication (respect, trust, tolerance)

Generally speaking, it's easier to make each other happy.

But if the happiness of the other side is built on my pain, it will be difficult.

If he is happy, he will be miserable; if he is not happy, then it is not love.

Therefore, the Ninth level is a dilemma. Only those who are brave in self sacrifice, dedication, a little bit of self abuse and tragic color can be achieved, specifically showing respect for each other, giving the other person some personal space and making him free.

Compared with empathy and support, dedication is real love.

Empathy and support will not harm one's own interests.

They are self sacrificing and ready to sacrifice their own interests.

Another manifestation of this level is respect, trust, tolerance and acceptance.

I believe that the other party has the ability to handle his own affairs well. His decision must be correct. Even if it is wrong, that is his decision. I must respect him.

Some of his views may be different from mine, but I can tolerate him and accept him.

Others are not an easy task. If they do not work well, they will go away or climb to my head.

10, harmony (sincerity, nature, compatibility)

If the other side does not travel far away, and does not build up his happiness on my pain, it shows that we have high consistency, good compatibility and no need to deliberately do anything for the other side. Any action, a word, whatever you want, can help the other party happy.

No need for dedication, no sacrifice, no need to pay, no reward.

Two people have become one, you have me, I have you, you are me, I am you.

Your happiness is my joy.