Give Yourself An Obstacle, &Nbsp; Self Marketing In Interpersonal Relationships.

In order to accomplish something, you simply praise others from your own interests.

But the same approach can also serve a selfless purpose, such as making others feel relaxed.

In all these cases, you can talk about self presentation, that is to say, you consciously or unconsciously have to influence others' opinions of you.

Even in the field of eating and sex, we all have

Self display is not always a sign of deception.

When we praise a person, this does not necessarily mean that we are lying.

Our words may be true, but in other cases, they may not be able to speak out.

This depends on circumstances. Generally speaking, we may exaggerate or weaken the facts.

For example, when we talk about topics in our interview, we will avoid talking about them in front of our friends. At this point, we think modesty will improve our image.

The most important purpose of self presentation is to strive for what you think others are good or competent.

When is it important for others to think you are good? Especially when you think you rely on that person, that's the case.

For example, suppose you fall in love, then you depend on others because you want the other person to like you.

It is very important to make the other person like you at this time.

There are many ways to do this: laugh, compliment the other person, show willingness to help, agree with his or her views, show interest, etc., maybe the last practice is the most common way to achieve the goal.

Agreeing with a person's opinion is a good strategy, but it is risky, because others will think you are the one who doesn't have his own opinion but just follow others.

In that case, that would backfire.

In hierarchical relationships, for example, in front of a boss or a person with greater power than you, you also depend on others.

Your boss can affect your salary, your rest days, your chance to attend a training class, etc.

So you also try to make the boss like you.

Accumulation of "human capital"

What's troubling is that your boss knows that you depend on him or her.

This is very annoying, because in your dependence on others, your efforts to get people's joy are more noticeable.

Therefore, compared with the appreciation of the baker in the doorway or street corner, praise for the boss is more likely to be regarded as "flattering".

So you are in a dilemma. It is called "the awkward situation in which the flatterer is in a dilemma": when you need to produce a positive impression, when you rely on the other side, flattery is more likely to attract attention, so that your self presentation may not bring the desired effect.

On the contrary, in the face of people who do not depend entirely on them and those who have no power in their hands, we can flatter them without restraint.

But in such a situation, it would be of no benefit to do so.

In daily life, we can use various ways to solve this dilemma that makes us in a dilemma.

One strategy is to cover up your dependence.

If the other person does not know that you are dependent on him or her, when you are friendly to that person, the person will not easily suspect that you have hidden purposes.

However, you are not always able to hide your dependence.

Under such circumstances, people often try to create a situation where their dependence is not so prominent.

For example, when they want to be liked by their boss, they invite him to their home (this is the area where they control everything), or to suggest that they should drink together in the coffee shop.

In this way, they create a less prominent situation of their dependence, so that they can make more "flattering".

A similar trick is to start flattering you long before you ask for a raise.

We should actually regard the friendly behavior of a more powerful person as the creation of a bank account: you accumulate some capital every time you express your appreciation to a more powerful person, help him, or support his view.

This is especially true when your partner obviously does not need to repay you: your friendly behavior is selfless at this time.

Only after a long time, when you have accumulated quite a lot of "flattering capital", you can make some kind of request to the other party.

The third way to make sure that the other side does not doubt your flattering is not to always express complete agreement.

For example, when the boss says "today's coffee is so light", they disagree.

In this way, they avoided the risk that he regarded them as flatterer.

When conversation involves really important things, they certainly agree with their boss.

This behavior will be more easily perceived by the boss as expressing his opinion rather than trying to flatter the boss.

The last strategy is "indirect flattery."

For example, because you know that a female secretary will tell you what you say to your boss, you say to your secretary, you've never seen such a great boss.

If you say this to the boss directly, it will produce the impression of flattering.

But if someone else says it, you will not be suspected of being ingratiate with the boss.

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Subtle self marketing

Besides people who need to be regarded as lovable, we often need to produce impressions of people who are considered competent, such as when applying for a job, facing a potential customer or customer, but also when relatives and friends seem to underestimate our abilities.

That kind of situation is called self marketing, which means marketing according to the word meaning, that is, "marketing" yourself, advertising for yourself.

Just like there are many strategies that can be used to make people like you, there are as many -- and possibly even more -- strategies that make people feel you can do something.

This is not surprising, because self marketing is more difficult and needs to be more subtle.

We can not talk freely about our abilities, because that is soon considered to be big talk and pride.

Therefore, if you want others to believe that you are good at doing something, you can not be too explicit.

But you can show your skills.

Therefore, people sometimes deliberately postpone performing a task they are good at because they want to perform the task when they are able to witness their success.

Another self marketing skill is to "guide" others' understanding of your achievements.

You must be very careful, but too modest is not good.

When a person has made great achievements, but then he says, "ah, there is nothing", it is easy to be considered arrogant.

It all depends on how well the audience understands your abilities.

If they know that you are good at doing something, you can be very modest, for example, someone else has helped you get some achievement.

This gives the audience a good impression, but in fact, they already believe that you have the ability.

But if others do not understand your talent, modesty is not very effective. Therefore, it is recommended that you talk more about a good result that you have achieved.

For example, you should not say that a task is easy, or you get help from others.

If you fail at a certain point, you should talk about the factors that are unfavorable to you in detail.

You can mention the external factors that you can't influence ("the examiner is strictly too ridiculous" when driving a license), but you can also mention some internal factors ("I catch a cold all week").

Generally speaking, the lack of investment is not considered so serious compared with the lack of ability.

This is because input can be controlled and improved next time, but capacity is not.

Set yourself an obstacle.

What happens frequently is that before a performance is announced, people have already indicated that they have not enough investment, so that they can protect themselves in advance.

For example, when a college student went to the exam, he told others that he was badly prepared or went to the disco the night before.

If he fails to pass the examination, he has already protected himself: that is because he has not invested enough.

If he still gets a good score, that means he is particularly capable, because although he has not worked hard enough, he has achieved very good results.

He should be very smart.

At the same time, that behavior is not very smart, and this is for two reasons.

First of all, it can annoy others, especially if you often do that.

Second, it can really prevent you from achieving good results.

When people say they do not work hard, this is mostly true.

In fact, they create a threshold for themselves to achieve good results, which is why people talk about self handicap in this context: people set obstacles to themselves.

This may happen by failing to work hard, or (that college student) going to a get-together in the evening before the exam.

Some researchers have suggested that excessive drinking can play a role in self building disorders.

People drink in order to protect themselves in advance of failure.

When something fails, the failure can be attributed to the effect of alcohol.

Obviously, such behavior can not only be a reason for poor performance, but it can also lead to worse performance.

The performance is "hard to get".

Because when people are more attentive to the more powerful people, it is easy to be suspected of having hidden purposes, so people want to be able to cover their dependence.

The other reason is that dependence leads to lower bargaining position.

Whether it involves a marriage or a business paction, if the other person knows that you are very dependent on him or her, he or she can take advantage of it for a bad purpose.

For example, when you buy or sell a house, it works.

The seller will say that many people are interested in the house.

His real meaning is: "I do not depend on your offer."

Potential buyers say they have to see more houses, gardens are actually small, the kitchen must be renewed, and so on.

They actually said, "if we make an offer, you should be happy."

Every intermediary knows that when a person looks at a house, he will have all kinds of opinions. He just wants to buy that house; before the negotiations on price negotiations begin, he has already begun to put forward his own opinions.

When people are in love, they often try to hide their dependence, because dependence makes them feel vulnerable.

As long as the other person does not know that he is dependent, he feels safe.

There is another motive that makes this kind of communication more extensive, that is, because people are interested in people or things that are hard to get, a drama called "hard to get" is played.

This idea has become the basis for telling women how to capture men's books: don't take the initiative, do not phone, postpone the next date for a few weeks, etc.

Attractive things or people, if they are hard to get, they will be more attractive. If you like licorice, and when you come to a country without licorice candy, it will become something you like more. But if you don't like licorice, it doesn't matter. If you think a person is attractive, and he doesn't take the initiative to approach you, he or she may become more attractive. The problem is that many people have been performing "hard to get" before long before the initial attraction has been established. Fortunately, people are not always more eager to get things that are hard to get. The key is that people feel very much.