Why Do Unhappy Friends Need Encouragement?

Denise Marigold, a social psychologist at University of Waterloo, knows how hard it is to make some people happy.

The usual tactic she led her friends out of the shadows was to smile and encourage - half of the cups were full, and the situation could be worse.

These methods are very effective in those who are willing to share her cheerful personality.

But for her Eeyore, friends who regard all misfortunes as reflection of their own defects, it is too hard to boost their confidence.

(Eeyore) refers to the pessimists who always expect the worst to happen. It comes from the role of Vigny, the sad faced donkey in the cartoon cartoon bear, Vigny.

Translator's note)

"In the past, for those friends with low self-esteem, I often thought that the best way to deal with them was to encourage them and tell them that things would get better soon," she said. "When they ignored me, I was very worried that I didn't do well, and I would be frustrated because I couldn't help them."

Studies show that people who are thinking in a positive way are happier, so it is understandable that when faced with disappointment or disappointment, our instinct is to tell him not to lose heart.

But a new study conducted by Marigold and several other psychologists shows that this instinct is wrong.

Researchers found that when an optimist encourages those pessimistic tendencies, those melancholy people actually don't need it at all.

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They just want to be understood.

Over 6 experimental studies are used to detect "

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What are the effects on young people with high self-esteem and low self-esteem?

Research explains that positive reshaping includes "consolation that negative events are ultimately beneficial to the growth of the recipient, and that the recipient is likely to make progress and that the problem is actually small or insignificant."

On the other hand, negative affirmation is "showing that the recipient's feelings, performance and reactions are normal and reasonable in the present" and "express understanding of the predicament of the receiver."

The experiment studied the response of the receiver to the two methods under different circumstances.

In one experiment, the subjects were supposed to chat with friends and answer questions after an imaginary separation or bad exam.

In another experiment, they really shared their feelings with their friends in real life.

People with low self-esteem feel that encouraging encouragement is far from simply recognizing their emotional usefulness.

They also pointed out in the survey that they generally received less emotional support from their friends, and the data also proved the correctness of the discussion.

Although participants in the support role claim that pessimists do not respond well to positive suggestions, they still use incentives to deal with pessimists.

In one experiment, supporters even expressed sympathy for people with high self-esteem.

"People feel uncomfortable when dealing with negative emotions, so we think it best for everyone to think positively, and we will try to make them think like that."

Marigold said.

For example, one of her friends recently announced a divorce.

Her first reaction was, "well, at least you don't have children."

"But I must hold on to it," she said. "What is a friend? Is it to help solve problems, or to let them know that others will care about them? Not everyone is prepared to look at problems more positively."